Doughnuts Are Scary! -- ドーナツ怖い

[This is my American retelling of the famous traditional Japanese comedy sketch "Manjuu Kowai" （饅頭怖い）。 In addition to using American confections, I've shortened it a bit, not playing the usual absurd concern for "Jack's" wellbeing, and not invoking the separate room where he naps, that allows the concern to be be played. It's intended to be comprehensible to Japanese jr. high students familiar with the Japanese story in one of its many versions.]


Betty: I hate frogs.

Rick: Oh, why?

Betty: Frogs jump. And their mouths open wide and their tongues shoot out. And they eat flies! They are gross, and scary. What scares you, Rick?

Rick: I don’t like elephants. Elephants are too big. I think they would crush me. Does anything scare you Jack?

Jack: Scare? Me? Nothing scares me.

Betty: I don’t believe you.

Jack: I’m not afraid of anything. I eat frogs for lunch. And I ride an elephant to school.

Rick: Snakes?

Jack: I wear a snake for a belt. See?

Betty: OH!

Rick: Scary!

Betty: Isn’t there something that you don’t like? Anything you think is scary?

Jack: Hmm. Well, I shouldn’t tell you this, but I don’t like doughnuts.

Betty: Doughnuts!

Rick: I don’t believe you.

Jack: No. It’s true. Doughnuts are too sweet. Yuck.

Betty: You’re teasing us.

Jack: And they crumble in your mouth. I hate that.

Rick: No way! They’re supposed to do that.

Jack: But the worst thing is the hole in the middle. I’m afraid of that hole. If my head got through that hole, I’d choke to death.

Betty: I think you’re just joking around.

Jack: Thinking about it makes me faint. I think I’ll go lie down.

Rick: Huh?

Jack: Zzzzzzzz.

Betty: Huh? Hmm. It looks like he’s asleep.

Rick: I have a good idea!

Betty: Oh?

Rick: Let’s see if he is really afraid of doughnuts.

Betty: I know a doughnut store.

Jack: Zzzzzzzzz. Oh. Now where did they go? Hmm. Zzzzzz.

Rick: Okay, here we are. Lot’s of doughnuts. We’ll put them beside where he is sleeping.

Jack: Aaaaggggghhhh! Doughnuts! Where did they come from?

Rick: Are you okay?

Jack: Chocolate doughnut! Yuck! Cherry glazed doughnut! Help! And the worst thing of all, a jelly-filled doughnut! I must get rid of them all, now! Munch munch munch.

Betty: Huh?

Jack: Yum! I mean, YUCK! Don’t help me get rid of them. Gulp. Munch munch munch.

Betty: Oh. You’re not scared of doughnuts after all.

Rick: You tricked us.

Jack: Munch munch munch. Okay, you help me with this sugar doughnut, Rick. And how about helping me with this almond frosted doughnut, Betty? Munch munch munch.

Betty: Is there nothing you are afraid of?

Jack: Well, let me think. I know! I’m deathly afraid of ice cream!