Fer Rude!

(For the record, this takes place on the planet Xhilr, and the church referred to here is often called E-P-ist, and is similar to, but not the same as, the church often called Mormon or LDS of the planet Earth.)

Sister Jones (Bishop's 1st counselor): Okay, the Bishop's Quorum has good news. Your plans for a back-to-school dinner date night for our little congregation next week have been approved. So you all can put it on your schedules.

Marta (Activities Committee Female Representative): Now remember, all of us on the committee should consider it our special duty to have dates. Girls--

Frank (Activities Committee member): Wait. If we guys say "girls", everybody gets down on us.

Samuel (Activities Committee Male Representative): If the women want to call themselves girls, that's their business.

Harry (Activities Committee member): I call discriminatory practices.

Sister Jones: Knock it off, guys.

Marta: Thank you, Counselor Jones. Now, girls, don't be too choosy when guys ask. Guys, you who are on the committee should go out of your way to ask someone who is not on the committee. In fact, ask someone you wouldn't usually ask. We want everyone in our singles' congregation there.

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Frank: I'm going to show you how this is done. I'm going to go ask Chrissy.

Martin (Not a member of the committee): She's out of your league.

Harry: They told us to ask people we wouldn't usually ask, didn't they?

Frank: Got that right.

(Fist bumps all around.)

Frank: Okay, here goes.

(Frank joins a group of three women.)

Frank: (Deep breath. Gulp.) Uhm. Hi, Chrissy.

Chrissy: Mmm ... uhh, Hello, uhm, Paul, right?

Frank: Uh, er, Frank, actually.

Chrissy: Oh, sorry. Right. Frank de Lucca, right?

Frank: Well, not really. Wright.

Chrissy: Right?

Frank: Wright.

Chrissy: Right. Well, what can I do for you, Br. de Lucca?

Frank: Uhm, Wright.

Chrissy: Right, so what can I do for you?

Frank: Oh ... never mind.

(Frank returns dejectedly to the group of men.)

Chrissy: How rude!

Sarah (not a member of the committee): What was that all about?

Chrissy: I thought for sure he was going to ask me to the Autumn Dinner Date.

Jayne (not a member of the committee): Me, too. But he just turned around and walked away.

Chrissy: Without saying what he wanted or anything.

All three in chorus: Fer rude!

(Frank rejoins the other two men.)


Martin: That was brutal.

Harry: She wouldn't even let you tell her your name.

Frank: I'm mortally wounded!

(Harry and Martin laugh.)

Harry: Nah, just ask someone in your own league.

Martin: There's Sam. What's he up to?

(Sam joins the girls)

Sam: Ah, Jayne. Do you remember me from religion class last year?

Jayne: Uhm, hang on, Fred Weatherton?

Sarah: Pfft.

Sam (laughing): No, Sam. Wentworth.

Jayne (shaking her head): Sorry, don't remember.

Sarah: You don't remember Sam?

Jayne (shaking her head): No ...

Sam: Hmm. Well, maybe I shouldn't ask, then.

Chrissy: Ask her what?

Sam: You know, the Back-to-School Autumn Dinner Date next weekend, and the Activities Committee members have to ask someone they haven't really been out with.

Sarah: Yeah. That is kind of awkward.

Jayne: Oh, well, hey, where are you from?

Sam: Sunflower State. I think you told me you were from the Cactus State, didn't you?

Jayne: Wait. I remember. You're on the swimming team, right?

Sam: Yeah. Majoring in computers and education.

Jayne: Oh, yeah. You were writing an educational game based on stories in the Book of E P.

Sam: That's me!

Jayne: Did you ever finish?

Sam: About halfway. My teacher gave me credit and suggested I pick it back up in graduate work.

Jayne: Cool. Yeah. Well, the Dinner Date would be okay with me, if you wouldn't mind going with a girl who forgot you.

Sam: Thanks. This did have me kind of worried.

Sarah: I can see why.

Chrissy: Hmm. So, those three guys over there, are they on the Activities Committee, too?

Sam: Well, Harry Porter and Frank Wright are. Not Martin Mars, though.

Chrissy: Frank Wright?

Jayne: Oops.

Chrissy: That's his name? He was in my Karate class last year, and we sparred sometimes.

Jayne: Frank de Lucca?

Chrissy: Maybe there were two Franks in the class.

Sarah (laughing): Hey, Frank Wright, get back over here!

Frank: Huh?

(Frank tries to hide behind Martin, just as Marta comes up behind him.)

Marta: Hi, guys. You're being called, Frank.

Frank: Shhh!

Marta: How about if we all go over together. It'll be less scary.

Frank: Uhm ...

Harry: Okay.

(Marta and the men join the group of women and Sam.)

Chrissy: I'm sorry I forgot your name, Br. Wright. Was there a Frank de Lucca in the Karate class last year?

Frank: Yeah. He's my friend. We joined the class together.

Chrissy: Did I ever call you Paul?

Frank: Maybe.

Chrissy: I was a little nervous, you see.

Frank: You were nervous? My tongue gets stuck sometimes.

Chrissy (laughing): I say things without thinking.

Frank: Uhm. Well, ... Can I ask you to the Dinner Date next weekend, then?

Chrissy: I'd love to go with you!

Martin: Well, since we're all friendly, Sarah, could I ask you to go?

Sarah: Oh, I'm sorry, Martin, I'm busy that night.

Martin: What? You can't already have plans that night. I mean, you're not working or something, are you?

Sarah: Drama club meeting.

Martin: But, but, you have to cancel the meeting. Move the time up earlier.

Sarah: Fat chance of that. And the more you talk that way, the less likely I am to ever go out with you.

Martin: Just joking.

Sarah: Not a joke I like.

Martin: Sorry.

Sarah: Maybe I'll forgive you, but forgiving doesn't mean going out, got it?

Martin: Wow. Uhm. Got it.

Marta: Well, it's about lunchtime, who's going to the cafeteria?

Martin: But don't tell anyone I asked you, okay? I don't want somebody thinking she was my second choice.

Jayne: Our lips are sealed. Let's go for lunch.